*

VALENTINE VERSES.

(_An Apology accompanying a Purse._)

Do you like it? I wonder! Or think you it's stupid
To send such a commonplace gift as a Purse?
Do you sigh for the tinsel, and gauze, and the Cupid,
And the wonderful sentiments written in verse?
Well, suppose I had sent them. You'd murmur, "How pretty!"
Then not see them again as you put them away.
Shall I candidly tell you I thought 'twere a pity
Just to send you a gift that would last for a day?

But consider the times and the seasons--how many!
When a purse--something in it--will save you from fuss.
When you're posting a letter (to me), or a penny
You may want for a paper, a tram, or a 'bus.
When you've done with the purse, as you carefully lock it,
And look with all proper precaution to see
That the gold is still there, as it goes in your pocket,
Let a thought or two, sweetheart, come straying to me.

I've explained as I could. Do you still go on sighing
For the commoner Valentine--tinsel and gauze,
With the pictures of wonderful cherubim flying
In a reckless defiance of natural laws?
If you do--well, forgive me. Don't think me unkind. You
Know I'd not treat yourself in so heartless a style,
And so let this gift, as you use it, remind you
Of one whom you won, my dear, outright, with your smile.

* * * * *

SIR WILLIAM HARCOURT suggests that "Parish Councils will do everything for
the distressed Agriculturists." Sir WILLIAM should advertise the remedy out
of his Farmercopoeia--"Try Parish's Food for Agricultural Infants in
distress."

* * * * *

A MEERY JEST.--Said the AMEER to an English friend, "Yes, I am uncertain of
my position. I _Am 'eer_ to-day and gone to-morrow."

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE OLD WOMAN AND HER PIG.

"DOG, DOG, BITE PIG,
PIG WON'T GET OVER STILE,
AND I SHAN'T GET HOME (-RULE) TO-NIGHT."]

* * * * *

_THE_ BECKET, NOT _A_ BECKET.

_BECKET_ has beaten the record. By the way, how the real original THOMAS А
BECKET would have beaten _The Record_, if the latter ecclesiastical journal
had existed in his time, and had given his Grace of Canterbury some nasty
ones in a leading article! But "that is another story." It is some time
since HENRY IRVING,--than whom no actor takes more thought, whether as to
his author's lines, or to his own lines when "making up,"--has achieved so
great and so genuine a success, and a success that will last in the memory
of playgoers for many years to come, as he has in placing TENNYSON'S
_Becket_ on the stage, and himself playing the part of the great
Archbishop. By the side of this ecclesiastic, his _Wolsley_ is, so to
speak, nowhere.

[Illustration: "Bene! Ego sum benedicta!"]

In SHAKSPEARE'S time _Becket_ would have been a difficult subject to
tackle; as indeed did KING HENRY find him,--an uncommonly difficult subject
to tackle. But fortunately for English history in dramatic form, it was
left for TENNYSON to treat the incidents of the story with a free hand,
poetic touch, and a liberal mind. Once, towards the close of the tragedy,
HENRY IRVING, austere, yet pitiful, going "to meet his King," brought to my
thoughts _Savonarola_. Grander far than _Savonarola_ was _Thomas Becket_,
soldier, priest, and martyr.

Then his tender compassion for the unfortunate _Rosamond_, a most difficult
character--nay, a characterless character--for any actress to play!
_Becket_ as archbishop and actor, seems to pity her for being so
colourless. TENNYSON couldn't do without her, yet he could do very little
with her.

Our ELLEN TERRY is a sweet loving gentle figure, clinging to her royal
lover with a sort of fond hope that one of these days things in general
would turn out all right; but in the meantime she is living always "in a
maze." The love-scene